100th Article- Is marriage counseling a good idea?

If marriages came with manuals, the rate of divorce will significantly be lower than it presently is. Just like it is with cars, when you get them, you must have some knowledge or insight into driving before you can operate the vehicle. Substantial training and practice is required to be considered a competent driver.  Unfortunately, many incompetent drivers get into the marriage vehicle and expect to turn on the ignition and start driving the car with the risk of crashing.

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Why is marriage counseling necessary? Before this question can be answered, ask yourself,  is it possible to drive a car forever without servicing it at some point in time? The answer is no because a car needs regular servicing by experts who are knowledgeable about the buildup of the car. Couples make the mistake of fixing their complex problems themselves and many wait for a long period of time before seeking help. Some little problems can be easily resolved but certain issues are beyond the couple’s scope of knowledge which needs a form of intervention to help them make the marriage work better. Marriage counseling provides guidance on how to make a relationship healthy.

 Why are people not willing to seek counseling?There are several reasons why people are hesitant about seeking counseling. First is the stigma associated with it  as a result of people’s unrealistic assumption that every perfect relationship doesn’t need counseling. Second reason is the failure to admit that a troubled relationship needs intervention. Third, relying on short fix and overlooking the main issue to be addressed. Fourth is the fear of being judged by people for not being able manage a relationship adequately.

The  truth about counseling– It is unfortunate that people only view counseling as a way to solve problems  without  considering it as a way of seeking guidance. Counseling should be viewed as a preventive measure rather than a treatment measure. If thorough counseling is sought beforehand, the necessary tools learned from counseling to prevent or deal with problems will be adequately applied. However, seeking counseling when couples are already sick and tired of their relationships is not always successful but will make a difference. It helps to identify problems and provides tips on how to address them systematically.

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Is marriage counseling a good idea?– Marriage counseling is necessary for every couple who aspires to get married and married couples at some point difficult point in their marriage. It helps to improve relationship or marriage. Marriage counseling doesn’t only have to be sought through professional sources, it could be spiritual marriage counseling or informal counseling from well-experienced couples who can provide proper guidance. Marriage counseling just might bring the best out of your relationship.

Please look out for the next post on When Marriage counseling is needed.

Related Post: http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/marriage-counseling/MH00104.html

A spouse with an addiction

One of the most overwhelming challenges a marriage or relationship can face is addiction. Imagine a spouse who spends extra time or resources on something that does not benefit your family. Drug or alcohol addiction is a common one. A partner who discovers that his or her spouse has been drinking or using drugs uncontrollably might try everything possible to get help to stop this addiction but what happens when you try so hard and nothing changes?

When love birds get married, they are not always prepared for the bad times because they are clueless about what can happen and how worse things can get. “We vowed to stay true to each other for better for worse, in good times and bad. Here is a scenario of a man who married his young, stunning and smart wife a while ago. He is a successful Engineer who could afford to take care of his family with a stay at home wife. However, the wife found pleasure in using drugs and drinking alcohol. Husband enrolled her in several substance abuse treatment services but relapses kept recurring. Husband’s life has been endangered several times when drug dealers will come asking for their money, properties have been lost and the husband has been emotionally strained. You would probably be asking the same question many people will ask, “why is he still with her?” Surprisingly, the husband remains supportive and turns away from the divorce option. The wife is involved in continuous treatment.

In the scenario presented, it is clear that the spouse of the addicted person sincerely cares for the partner but it is most common that spouses will give up after several attempts to help. You can hardly blame a spouse who has tried very hard but doesn’t notice any changes. It can be overwhelming and overbearing to deal with such issues. When there is an addiction, there is open door for abuse and neglect.

Have you ever been with a partner who is addicted to drugs, sex, alcohol, porn or anything else you can think of? Do you find yourself feeling like your spouse loves their addiction more than you? While most addiction problems start with conscious decision making, they are like mouse traps. Once you’re caught in it, you are hooked. Addiction takes control of a person’s personality and being. Many are strong and motivated enough to change and make better decisions, on the other hand, many people never recover from their addiction and some take a long time to change.
Therefore, as a spouse of a person who has an addiction, you make your decision about staying to help, how long you can keep trying, or bail based on your level of tolerance.

What will you do if your partner has an addiction? Would you stay or leave?

Please share your experience regarding this topic. Someone can learn from you.

“Till Divorce do us Part”

     

           These days, it is almost absurd to watch people take wedding vows, considering the high rate of separation and divorce. You will expect that when couples commit to each other, they are ready to promote loyalty and endure one another’s shortcomings. You will think that the few lines of the wedding vow, “to love and to hold……. till death do us part” will sustain marriages to the finish line as stated, but the statistics these days are disheartening. The National Vital Statistics System reports an average of approximately 3.4 per 1000 population divorce rate in the United States between years 2000 to 2010.  This rate is half of the average marriage rate of 6.8per 1000population. This disturbing fact about half of marriages ending up in divorce makes the unmarried question the essence of marriage, and even the married ones question the reason why they got married in the first place. Some people get married with unreal expectations that can only be found in fairy tales and they later get disappointed when things don’t turn out as anticipated. Who ever promised that marriages are heavens without clouds, what makes people think that the person standing next to them on wedding day will remain the same for the rest of their lives? We should understand that people change, therefore, married couples should be able to lead and sustain their marriages through their personal evolution process.   Well, let’s analyze one of the commonly stated reasons for divorce, “irreconcilable differences.” When twenty to thirty year old marriages fail for this reason, you will question how they’ve been able to stay together throughout that long time period. The term irreconcilable indicates incompatibility or the inability to come to a reasonable agreement. In marriages where two people come together and have had a conscious agreement to marry each other, it is unfortunate that this end up being the reason for a divorce. A marriage isn’t what it is meant to be without cooperation, one person’s strength might sustain the union for some time but it crashes without the other person. Compromise has become a major problem, leading to divorce when it is one of the most essential secrets to a successful marriage. Back to the vows taken before marriage, is there any value to the phrase till death do us part these days? Should we continue to say these words without any likelihood of staying true to them? Doesn’t the current divorce trend suggest that some marriages should only vow, “Till the divorce do us part?”

 

Related Article: http://mypresentself.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/why-i-will-never-get-divorced/