Where is the Inspiration?: A writer’s lamentation

Long before starting this blog, there was a strong desire to discuss, write, express, and address several issues in writing. Ideas pop up in my head regarding different topics that people can easily relate with, and I would begin to write them out . Thoughts and writings are inspired by environment, people, and experience. It seemed like everywhere I turned, there was always something  to write about. All I had to do was, to pick up my laptop, pen, cellphone, and start writing. I would be in the shower and a topic will come to mind, before I knew it, lines of writing follows to support the topic.

During the research to start a blog, I found information about the challenges writers face, such as, getting  inspiration to write and staying consistent. It was further stated that, several bloggers eventually stop blogging within the first one year as a result of lack of motivation, inspiration, consistency, and other factors. I told myself, this wasn’t going to be me because, Ideas are always coming to me and I will always have something to write.

Here we are, after 54 posts, struggling to keep up with posting relevant and reasonable writings for my readers. I attest that I am now facing the challenges of a writer. Does this mean I will quit? Absolutely Not. This is a point to evaluate, assess, read many posts, and brew up inspiration. As time changes, so do priorities, and thoughts shift. It is left to us as writers, to stay focused, motivated, while strategizing on how to stay consistent. The last thing a writer wants to do is to disappoint their readers.

I  have now developed a greater sense of appreciation for the art of writing. It is more than just putting words together. It takes creativity, it takes motivation, it takes time, energy, focus, and passion.  I am more in love with writing and I appreciate all of my readers, who are the biggest source of inspiration for my writings. To every blogger  and writer out there, I commend your great effort to explore your creativity through writing; this is an encouragement for you never to give up. Cheers

My Nakedness

My childhood years were filled with cinderella fantasies, desiring a prince charming to come in and sweep me off my feet, then we will live happily ever after. As I grew up to my teenage years, I experienced the real world and realized that these two characters only live in a fairy tale land. My first boyfriend was trying to discover himself  and what the opposite sex had to offer as I was also trying to explore my identity and the world of love. We fell in love and I felt so much like cinderella, well I am not sure if cinderella ever had sex with prince charming but it was part of my love story. Everyday I had more reasons to love my boyfriend, we both had sex for the first time and we were so sure we would marry eachother in the future (yeah right,maybe in our dreams).  Our relationship’s time lapsed and we were torn apart after two years, he was done with me and he went on to the next one. I thought I had discovered myself by being with this guy, I thought he was going to be the only man  to see my nakedness, I thought we were going to live happily ever after.  My resolution, “a hint of reality, a tap in the butt to buckle up.”  Everyone told me I’ll be fine, life goes on, just live your life.

I met another guy who turned my world into a carousel. What’ was not to love about him? He came into my life with a purpose, to love and care for me (atleast, it seemed that way at that time). I fell carelessly again as the whole of my being and my body was his toy.  The excitement and infatuation  faded away after some time and I was back at  point zero. At that point, I was absolutely done dating, I have loved with my heart, body and soul, it still didn’t earn me much.

My sister  Rosie had fallen in love with a guy named Jake whom she met in school, he stood by her and was always willing to profess his love for her to the whole world. I was so happy for my dear sis, it was her time to shine, and be loved. I was the wedding planner, maid of honor and the brides’ special sister on her wedding day. Considering how close Rosie and I were before she got married, it was difficult to break us apart so, I would spend most weekends at their house.

One of those weekends, Rosie had an emergency assignment to complete at work on Saturday morning and I had to help prepare breakfast.  I served Jake his food and we talked over breakfast. He acknowledged my culinary skills as he emptied food in his plate into his stomach. After breakfast, I went to take a shower and on the way back to my room, my towel accidentally  dropped, as I quickly bent down to pick it up, Jake came out of his room. Awkardness, shame, shock, confusion filled the air all at the same time. He reached out  to help cover me up but his hands strayed to grab me by the waist. He drew me close to his chest and pressed tight against my body  while I struggled to break free. I yelled out his name to let go of me but Jake was no where to be found at that moment. He carried me into the room, slammed me on the bed  and made his way into me. This time, I was more broken than ever, my sister’s husband raped me, I have gone out of my own body, how will I ever get connected to myself again? Yet another man, this time, more controversial than ever defiled me, disrespected my body, and beheld my nakedness. 

The truth about you

No one knows you better than the person living on the inside of you. The man or woman you married will only know just as much as you’ve revealed to them about yourself and they can’t find out more unless you disclose it. This is why it’s easy to lie to people, because no one knows the truth like the actual witness. Go on, feel good about yourself while  you deceive others and give a false impression about yourself. The voice on the inside (your conscience) wouldn’t fail to remind you of the truth about yourself.

When you feel lost and confused, the answer you need is discovered by  assessing your personality and values. Regardless of other people’s perception of you, many times than often, you remind yourself of who you really are. No one can change you, your views, and your personality unless you give up on being you. The truth about you is best known to you, and no one else can know you 100%.

An extra lover, just in case……

Commitment issues remain a single most common factor negatively affecting relationships. When lovers feel insecure or uncertain about their current relationships they tend to complement what’s lacking by getting an extra lover. Many will claim “I need to keep more than one lover just in case……” Just in case what? There are many reasons why people resort to this option, either as a result of being dumped from a previous relationship or simply greed and lack of satisfaction.

Trying to secure your feelings, emotions by double dealing is one of the craziest things you can do to yourself. First, because you will barely tell the truth to each of your lovers. Second, your mind is almost never at peace. Third, you can’t be yourself at the same time in different circumstances. Fourth, you gradually lose your sanity and there are many more reasons you can add. Even the so-called players know they have to work hard to stay on top of their games because any mistake means they are in trouble. Having to be with more than one person only shows that you have problems with  attachment, detachment,  commitment, and most importantly you have some personality issues to resolve. Life is unfair and sometimes we do get disappointed and betrayed by the people we love, but, what makes life more worthwhile is the ability to stay true to ourselves, maintain our integrity and dignity in order to get with the right people.

Double dealing  will not always give you the best result you want, sometimes you will lose in both ways and end up in the same situation you’ve been avoiding- being alone. It doesn’t matter what excuse you give, what you call it, and how you view it. Once you are committed to a person, dating another person at the same time only implies that you are cheating on either or both partners.

Is it ok to date more than one person, under what circumstance and for what reasons will it be acceptable?

Related Post: CHEATING -https://inkatheart.wordpress.com/2012/10/29/cheating/

Excuse for abuse

             Considering how aware we are of abuse, why is it that many still fall into this same trap, losing their lives and self-worth as a result? Human beings are quick to judge other people’s situation but fail to identify the problem when it gets personal.  Look around you, it is certain that there are people you know who have been victims of abuse.
All in the name of love, we call abuse “a sacrifice to bear, a cross to carry, a price to pay.”  This is where we must revisit the true meaning of love.  This is one of the major reason why abusers remain relevant and the victims become more demoralized. When your happiness is no longer in check, when pain becomes your daily encounter as a result of your partners’ action towards you, you must assess things critically. People get too familiar with abuse and fail to call it what it is.  A person who has been subjected to scrutinity and criticism all their lives view unhealthy relationships as a norm.  How do you recognize abuse? What do you do about it? Let’s explore some ways in which abuse occur.

  • Demeaning Sarcasm- there are ways in which people express themselves to seem funny but when you become the focal point of sarcasm, easy to make fun of in a demeaning and demoralizing manner, then you are being verbally abused. There is always a limit to jokes most especially coming from a partner, when you can no longer differentiate the joke from reality and it makes you less than yourself  or unhappy, that’s your answer right there. Address it so it would not become a habit.
    Excuses you make: “He or she was just joking.” “It’s not that serious”.
  • Incessant criticism (Emotional abuse) – Have you ever being with a person who points out your faults without recognizing the good things you do? Everytime this happens, you want to find ways of pleasing your partner at your own expense. This can be energy draining, the victim gradually loses self-esteem and confidence in themselves.   Excuses you make: “I messed up”, “I can’t do anything right,” “he or she does not like when I do thing that way.”
  • Getting physical– Physical abuse is always a mystery. How and why in the world will a relationship get to a stage where a person raises a pinky, not to talk of the whole hand against another adult? Most victims of physical abuse will often tell you they were shocked the first time it happened but subsequent incidents are accepted as a culture of their relationship. One time  is all you need and make sure that a second time does not occur. When a reasonable adult accepts abuse as a way of life, you have made yourself a child again  and the abuser will continue to treat you that way. The dilemma of such situations is that the victim is crazily in love but the abuser’s love is being expressed the opposite way. DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR AN ABUSER. If he or she has anger issues, let them go deal with it and come back to you when they need you. Draw the line, stand up for yourself. If your parents stopped spanking you when you were a teenager, why should a person  you met along the way in your life’s journey make you an anger receptor.You don’t have to lose your life because of someone who can’t control themselves.                                                                                    Excuses you make: “It was my fault”, “he or she was just upset”, “they were raised that way,” “I shouldn’t have provoked him or her”,  ” he or she is having a bad day.”

The way you feel following your partner’s actions will help you easily determine if you are being abused or not. Abuse should be unacceptable from your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend, and nobody at all. It is not enough to just be in love, your relationship must be right and your partner must be SANE. When you notice insanity, and you make excuse for it without adressing it, you also become insane, retaining the abuse cyle in your relationship. Not until you start believing great things about yourself and start acting that way, other people will continue to treat you less than you are. Make the change for you and no one else. Stop protecting the abuser, protect yourself.

Related post:https://inkatheart.wordpress.com/category/love-relationships/page/2/

Reality check on divorce and remarrying.

You would often hear people say, “If one doesn’t work for you, try another one,”  “Oh its always better the second time around.” Remarrying would not really make much difference in many situations considering higher divorce rate reported with subsequent marriages.

According to the Enrichment Journal on divorce rate in America, divorce rate for first marriage is 41%, second marriage is 60%, and third marriage is 73%. Nearly 2 out of 3 second marriages end in divorce.  Marriages work or last long because one or both parties involved are willing to work at it. Similarly, marriages fail because at least one person gave up on the marriage. This is not a judgment on divorce but more of a challenge to people who are thinking about divorce. Have you ever wondered why people get married to different people three times or more? Every marriage has its struggles but what makes some better is the ability to stay together in difficult times, bearing your vows in mind, committing to memory and repeating it to yourself as much as possible when you feel like giving up. It is true that a good and peaceful marriage is like heaven on earth while a miserable one is like hell on earth.

Don’t start getting mad at this point, thinking that this writer is encouraging you to stay in a bad marriage. Some marriages were never meant to be and they end up crashing regardless of what people do, but many marriages are worth keeping. It is important to understand that, just as time changes and human beings evolve, so does the approach toward marriage need to improve. In order words if there is still hope, spice  up your marriage, if you get tired of a particular technique in any area, change it up to be more appealing, with the intention of keeping the fire in your marriage. If the two hearts are willing, you can still make things work. Stay true to your vows.

Related post: Till Divorce do us Part, https://inkatheart.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/till-divorce-do-us-part/

My Angel, a She-devil

When I began the search for the love of my life, it was like a hunter’s mission.  I came so close to making the perfect shots several times but wouldn’t hit the exact target. The day I encountered this shining star was remarkable. She was introduced as my cousin’s friend at a family member’s graduation party. She was radiant, graceful in her walk, and eloquent in speech. I told her my name was Todd and she said, “my name is Katherine but everyone calls me Kathy.” After that day, I sought to know more about that damsel, whose image I couldn’t get off my mind. So, I called my cousin Misty to ask about her friend Kathy, as nosy as she was, she knew I was up to something. I then had to confess that, “I kinda like her.”  Misty promised to arrange to set us up on a blind date and that was the beginning of our journey. Kathy and I started a special relationship that was beyond incredible. She brought so much happiness to my life with her sweet and calm nature. I decided that I wouldn’t let her out of my life so, I proposed to her after dating for about two years.

Our relationship was more fulfilling as a newly wedded couple, the adrenaline rush of love, and honey moon excitement lasted for a year and a half. Eventually, real life set in after  22months of marriage. Kathy became very sensitive about the little things I do, she wanted me to draw the shower curtain after getting out but I don’t do it always, I sometimes leave the toilet seat up and she hates that. She suddenly became insecure about my movements, my friends, and family. That sweet side of her gradually declined as she exhibited a more hostile behavior. She would yell whenever we talked, cuss out my family members when they came over to our house. She became the reason why my friends stayed away from me. Every attempt I made to find the woman I married in her was not successful, I began feeling like she hates me. I could no longer please the angel of my life and this tore me apart. What’s worse than for a man to feel powerless and restless in his own home.  Our home became a heated oven that was not condusive for me and my wife.It was very difficult to accept this side of my beloved wife, but the more she became bitter and uncontrollable, I saw her grow into a beast and I finally concluded that, my angel is a she devil who deceptively covered up her true character and personality. She was the woman I never prayed for in my entire life, I felt trapped and had no way to escape. I became a victim of verbal and emotional abuse and the saddest part was that, I was in love with this woman, I wanted to do everything to please her and bring my angel back to life but she remained a She-devil.