Bad relationships

Many relationships look rosy from a distance, when in reality, they are hell on earth for the people in it. Why is it difficult to love without having so much problems? No one ever bargains for getting trapped in horrible relationships. It just happens and blows out of control. You don’t only find such relationships in the movies, they are everywhere around you. Your neighbor, uncle, aunt, brother, parents, friend, pastor, or even you, can be managing bad relationships.


What leads to these uncontrollable situations?
It usually starts with little things. For example, after some months of being with a person, you might discover certain unpleasant characteristics he or she possess. The way you decide to handle these discoveries will determine the state of your relationship. Most relationships grow sour as a result of selfishness, inability to sacrifice, low tolerance, unrealistic expectation, ignorance, arrogance, and many more.

Should uncontrollable situations exist in a relationship?
If each party is functional in their individual roles in the relationship, “uncontrollable” would not be an option. This means there is cooperation to sort things out. Alongside cooperation, comes determination to get through the situation. Situations get the best of you only when you fail to put it under control.

A common excuse for bad relationships are, “things are just not working out.” Well, things can’t just work themselves out, the people involved need to get busy. The so called good relationships are not naturally made that way, they are comprised of people who are willing to make it work regardless of what happens. This shows that a relationship would not exist if strong bond and motivation are absent.
Your relationship is not the things you own together, it is how dear you hold your partner close to your heart, it is the way to respond/react to the things the other person does or the situations that affect you and your partner, it’s the way you view your partner, it is your purpose for being with your partner. This is why a couple can move anywhere without a single luggage and still have a great relationship.
Any relationship can be a minute away from taking a bad turn if proper care is not taken, therefore, make a conscious effort to sustain your good relationship.

Ladies should be romantic too.

Why is there more emphasis on men being romantic than it is for women? Are ladies exempted from being romantic? You want him to buy you flowers, open the car door for you, call you some special names, give you random surprises, to sum it all up; you want to be on cloud nine at all the times with this man. Let’s be real ladies, do you keep these men on cloud nine at all times? Are you as romantic as you expect your men to be? As much as you want that man to get you gifts, why don’t you buy something nice for him randomly and let him think he forgot his birthday.


A lot of women sit back always whining about how much he doesn’t care for them, what he is not doing right how he is not showing them the love they deserve. Rather than being unnecessarily unhappy, why not lead the way by showing him what being romantic is. Why not set the standard and let him measure up to it. Men are human beings too, they deserve to be loved and cared for, in better words, they also deserve to be spoiled.
If your man used to be romantic and now things have changed, talk about it and you can recharge the love by starting with little romantic gestures you know he loves. Show him so much love that he would hesitate to resist. He is your man, show him how much you appreciate him.
Just as you talk to your friends about how romantic your guy is, so does he tell his friends about how much you care for him and show him love. The expression of love should be reciprocal and not one sided. Both men and women should be romantic; it is not specific to men alone.

A spouse with an addiction

One of the most overwhelming challenges a marriage or relationship can face is addiction. Imagine a spouse who spends extra time or resources on something that does not benefit your family. Drug or alcohol addiction is a common one. A partner who discovers that his or her spouse has been drinking or using drugs uncontrollably might try everything possible to get help to stop this addiction but what happens when you try so hard and nothing changes?

When love birds get married, they are not always prepared for the bad times because they are clueless about what can happen and how worse things can get. “We vowed to stay true to each other for better for worse, in good times and bad. Here is a scenario of a man who married his young, stunning and smart wife a while ago. He is a successful Engineer who could afford to take care of his family with a stay at home wife. However, the wife found pleasure in using drugs and drinking alcohol. Husband enrolled her in several substance abuse treatment services but relapses kept recurring. Husband’s life has been endangered several times when drug dealers will come asking for their money, properties have been lost and the husband has been emotionally strained. You would probably be asking the same question many people will ask, “why is he still with her?” Surprisingly, the husband remains supportive and turns away from the divorce option. The wife is involved in continuous treatment.

In the scenario presented, it is clear that the spouse of the addicted person sincerely cares for the partner but it is most common that spouses will give up after several attempts to help. You can hardly blame a spouse who has tried very hard but doesn’t notice any changes. It can be overwhelming and overbearing to deal with such issues. When there is an addiction, there is open door for abuse and neglect.

Have you ever been with a partner who is addicted to drugs, sex, alcohol, porn or anything else you can think of? Do you find yourself feeling like your spouse loves their addiction more than you? While most addiction problems start with conscious decision making, they are like mouse traps. Once you’re caught in it, you are hooked. Addiction takes control of a person’s personality and being. Many are strong and motivated enough to change and make better decisions, on the other hand, many people never recover from their addiction and some take a long time to change.
Therefore, as a spouse of a person who has an addiction, you make your decision about staying to help, how long you can keep trying, or bail based on your level of tolerance.

What will you do if your partner has an addiction? Would you stay or leave?

Please share your experience regarding this topic. Someone can learn from you.