“Till Divorce do us Part”


           These days, it is almost absurd to watch people take wedding vows, considering the high rate of separation and divorce. You will expect that when couples commit to each other, they are ready to promote loyalty and endure one another’s shortcomings. You will think that the few lines of the wedding vow, “to love and to hold……. till death do us part” will sustain marriages to the finish line as stated, but the statistics these days are disheartening. The National Vital Statistics System reports an average of approximately 3.4 per 1000 population divorce rate in the United States between years 2000 to 2010.  This rate is half of the average marriage rate of 6.8per 1000population. This disturbing fact about half of marriages ending up in divorce makes the unmarried question the essence of marriage, and even the married ones question the reason why they got married in the first place. Some people get married with unreal expectations that can only be found in fairy tales and they later get disappointed when things don’t turn out as anticipated. Who ever promised that marriages are heavens without clouds, what makes people think that the person standing next to them on wedding day will remain the same for the rest of their lives? We should understand that people change, therefore, married couples should be able to lead and sustain their marriages through their personal evolution process.   Well, let’s analyze one of the commonly stated reasons for divorce, “irreconcilable differences.” When twenty to thirty year old marriages fail for this reason, you will question how they’ve been able to stay together throughout that long time period. The term irreconcilable indicates incompatibility or the inability to come to a reasonable agreement. In marriages where two people come together and have had a conscious agreement to marry each other, it is unfortunate that this end up being the reason for a divorce. A marriage isn’t what it is meant to be without cooperation, one person’s strength might sustain the union for some time but it crashes without the other person. Compromise has become a major problem, leading to divorce when it is one of the most essential secrets to a successful marriage. Back to the vows taken before marriage, is there any value to the phrase till death do us part these days? Should we continue to say these words without any likelihood of staying true to them? Doesn’t the current divorce trend suggest that some marriages should only vow, “Till the divorce do us part?”


Related Article: http://mypresentself.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/why-i-will-never-get-divorced/

“Let’s take things Slow”

When starting a new relationship, there is a common cliché “let’s take things slow.” What does this really mean? Is it about controlling the pace of the relationship or just not getting too serious too quickly? The reason for taking things slow is usually best known to the parties involved and mostly applicable to serious relationships. It is unarguable that some get involved in a relationship without any specific purpose and in which case there is no need for taking things slow.

When there is an agreement to date for a common goal of being committed to another, the phrase “let’s take things slow” occurs repeatedly in the first four months. The reality is that, there is a growing intensity in passion towards each other at the initial stage, you feel as though you’re moving too fast but it is only a phase. The phase where there is a struggle to catch your breath from the overwhelming feelings of infatuation and love. Nevertheless, in the process of “taking it slow,” the natural flow of things often get altered. People confine expressing their actual feelings for the fear of going too fast.

FEAR is what taking it slow breeds when there is too much caution being taken and it affects the growth of the relationship. You will find most people hurting each other in the process of taking it slow because one person will be ahead of the other after some time.  Does this now mean that the relationship ignition should be turned on and the car should go wild and out of control without speed limits? NO, proceed at a normal pace, watch for speed limits and road signs. This way, no rules are violated, no turns are missed, and it’s easier to navigate to final destination which you have no idea where exactly that is but you can be confident that you’re heading in the right direction. Therefore, rather than taking things slower than they should be, the term should probably be, proceed with caution.

Self Therapy.

            Every form of therapy that exists is structured to empower people to help themselves. In essence, no one is really helping you get over your problems. In a therapy session, people are only being guided to identify their own problems, and state possible solutions. If we all understood that the power lies within, our situations will be much different, unfortunately, certain circumstances drown us to a level where we can no longer grab hold of ourselves. Cry for help when you need to but bear in mind that the solution lies within you and if you’re not ready to find solutions or help yourself, don’t bother asking others because the first question you will be asked  is “what do you want?”  The next time you seek advise or are looking for therapy, answer the question, “what do I want” before proceeding. It will only make the process easier to yield fast result.

The virgin survey

A thought provoking discussion with a loved one about virgins brought about this piece. First of all, when you think about the word “virgin”, do you think about girls or boys?  A virgin is simply someone who has never had sexual intercourse.  People focus more on girls being virgins than they do boys. Girls are usually told to keep their treasure safe and they receive several lectures on how dangerous boys can be. Keeping virginity has not been made priority or important for boys as much as it has been for girls.

In this day and age, sex has become a popular demand and everyone is doing it. Children in elementary school as early as age nine are having sex, you will also find some 8yr olds who have done the same. If a virgin survey had to be taken, where will you find a large number of them, who will be the target audience in terms of age range? Don’t even bother about high school where sex has become more of a competition or new fashion that everyone must engage in. You will probably find a few virgins and such statistics only makes you wonder where the world is going.  Take a virgin survey and see how many you can find.

You Should’ve Been Mine

         It was one of those days when my friend and I had to spend quality time outside our busy schedules. As we sat discussing our recent accomplishments, we were struck in astonishment by the inexplicable beauty who breezed past. Your perfectly sculpted body more pronounced in the flirty little dress you had on was just enough to disrupt a meaningful conversation. I have met several attractive women but you have an extraordinary quality, which is more captivating than I have never experienced. I wasted no time in contemplating whether or not I want you, I quickly conceived in my mind that you were mine. I pictured you in my arms and was glad that I finally found the woman of my dreams.  While I claimed you in my mind, I saw my friend approaching you to start up a conversation without forewarning.

        There was no doubt that we both wanted you. I mean, what man in his right frame of mind would not want you? I don’t care about whom else wants you because you’re already mine in my mind and you should really be mine. Anyway, branding his manliness, my friend introduced himself to you and I watched from a distance as he flattered you with his smooth talk. A sudden rush of discomfort dawned on me and I thought, Should I interrupt and make my intentions known or should I hope that you turn him down so I can get a chance with you? Oh, I should’ve made the first move!!! I scowled as I saw you gradually releasing your captivating smile within two minutes of holding a conversation with him. I became more disappointed and disturbed when the conversation lasted about twenty minutes and I saw him draw out his phone to enter your number. At that moment, it hit me, you were not going to be mine.

        I have watched your relationship with my friend advance, I still can’t get you out  of my head because I had placed you in a special place since the first day I set my eyes on you. I don’t want to nurse a seed jealousy against my friend who stole my opportunity to claim you as mine, at the same time, I am in a dilemma. As I prepared the speech to deliver as the best man at your wedding, I was taken down memory lane, reliving my first sight of you and how I had to take a back sit. Here I am again, still taking a back seat as the best man only watching from a distance, I now accept you are no longer mine.

          Today, I stand by my friend supporting him to take his wife home; I looked into your eyes and could see it glow. You deserve to be loved, which was my plan for us, my final confession to let go is, I wanted you when I saw you but my friend lived my dream and every sound in my head screams, YOU SHOULD”VE BEEN MINE.


Secrets are no longer what they are supposed to be, we feel more comfortable spilling out so many things that should be kept to ourselves to others.  Nakedness is when every hint of dignity is stripped off for an outside entity. We sometimes share private information about each other for the purpose of connecting at a deeper level. Another excuse people give is, “I need to talk to someone so I can feel better.”

We reveal our nakedness to a trustworthy person with the hope that they cover us up but to our disappointment, they have to get a blanket from someone else in order to do that. In the process of lending from others, they have to explain what it’s needed for. Human beings’ inability to keep secrets safe and secure is still a mystery.  Tell one person a secret; you can be sure that at least one other person will know about it. We then get devastated when we are left completely naked not only to the person it was revealed to but to other people who have a perfect picture of our nakedness in mind.

Agreed, it is necessary to always have someone to talk to but how much information is too much or in terms of being naked, is this when the top is off or both top and bottoms? Since one of the reasons why we reveal ourselves to others is to feel more connected to them, we need to be careful in knowing what information to share at different points in time so that if things go wrong, some secrets are well protected and we have less to lose. Our nakedness should be kept with dignity and only revealed to trustworthy people who will protect it.

A Fire Within

It started with a little spark
Gradually rising in intensity,
Burning as with coal flame
Heating up everything inside.
Combusting into a wild fire
Despite all efforts to make it calm,
It braces with loud uproar.
Tracing back to its origin,
It remains still a mystery ,
How it started as a sparkle,
Now without a definite end
A fire lit within.